I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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