he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
