You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize