Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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