the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
