drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
