It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize