she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
