We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
soo... how was my night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
