I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
