Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize