I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
