I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
