If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
