dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
