That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
