I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize