Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
