I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
