i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
