I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize