I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
