Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize