He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize