I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
