Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
