So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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