Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
