So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
