I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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