The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
