All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
