you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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