when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
