I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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