Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
