i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
