if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
