the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
