first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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