I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
