I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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