I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
