Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
