I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
