Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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