I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
