I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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