WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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