If that was your dad, he is hot
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
