My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
