I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
how does that bad decision feel?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
