if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm really busy with my period
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