Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
