I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
