The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
