taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i dont even know how to be here
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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