how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she smelled like a LAN party
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
