yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
