It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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