so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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