I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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