fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
