I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
