Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
