Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
