I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize