Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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