I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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