i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
