woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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