Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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