is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
