i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
